(Author: Maurice Skikne, Vol. 64, #1, Pesach 2009)
Jews enjoy an almost world-wide reputation for being able to laugh at themselves. We have been doing this from time immemorial, it is said even from Biblical times. Not only that, but we have that very special ability to laugh even about the history of our oppression and persecution.
From the academic perspective, it is possible to categorize the subject of Yiddish humor into but a few divisions. It does, however, happen that with the very long history of this language (about a thousand years), there exist thousands of jokes (Vitzen), funny stories (Meises), and curses (Kloggen) for almost every situation in our lives. And it does not end there. What is excluded from this study are which one would term “Proste Meises”, that is, those with sexual or chauvinistic connotations. That is the province of some of the cruder publications.
It must be gainsaid that it would appear that prior to the advent of Yiddish, a derivative of German in the state of Bavaria, Prussia, what can be classed as “Jewish humor” had had its beginnings in the Torah, and certainly in the Talmud/Gemorah. A couple of examples will suffice to illustrate this:
- The Torah highlights the slaying of Abel by his sibling Cain [Beraishish, 4:9] – When Hashem questioned Cain about the presence of his brother, Cain’s retort was: “I know not; am I my brother’s keeper?”
- In the Gemorah (Berachos, 60b), regarding “Mode Ani”, Rashi comments regarding the status of the wicked that “sleep is beneficial for them and the rest of the world, as they do not disturb the wakened”.
Yiddish humor as such has probably been around ever since the birth of the Yiddish language itself. However, humorous expressions and curses
(especially the latter) can probably be traced back to Biblical, and certainly to Talmudic times. One has only to study Gemorah to sense the humor of the great Sages’ explanations and debates. These commentaries were obviously Hebraic. However, once our predecessors began to migrate into Europe and Yiddish developed, many such expressions found
their way into the latter by simple transposition. It is also noteworthy that there are no swear words in either Hebrew or Yiddish. Those became imports from the Germanic tongues (including English). Thus curses and expressions tend to express – mildly – ones disappointment in the speech, expression, behavior or eating habits of an unsavory person, without using absolute crudity. This is indeed quite remarkable!
Here, as I see it, are the main categories of Yiddish Humor:
- Curses (as distinct from the biblical ‘Klolim’ in Deuteronomy 27:15-25):
Many curses fall into the category of wishing someone ill health, great discomfort or, in extreme cases, death.
- Expressions/sayings: These are generally a commentary on life, behavior, food, politics and, inevitably, money.
- Jokes: Yiddish jokes can be sourced from Eastern Europe older type ( mostly coined prior to the 20th century) or the West (from about the start of the 20th Century) , many from the USA, but there are numerous ones coined, in the U.K., and in South Africa. The main differences are that European ones describe the harsh oppression, restriction and poverty (were written in Hebrew script usually); whilst those of the West basically bemoan the affluence and often spoilt atmosphere we live in. They are usually written in Phonetic English
Most Yiddish curses, although serious expressions of anger, have an amusing touch to them. Here are some examples:
- Zain tzainer zollen arois faln (“He should lose all his teeth”)
- Merren zollen vaksen fun zain boich (May beets grow from his belly)
- Er zoll vaksen vie a tsibale – mit zain kop in dred (He should grow like an onion, with his head in the soil)
- Hitler –Yemach She’mo – zol zein vie a lomp: hengen bai tog, brennen bai nagt und zein oisgelessen in frie (Hitler –may he be stricken from memory – should be like a lamp: hanging by day, burning at night and be extinguished in the morning)
- A Mishemeshine zol em treffen (A bad thing should happen to him)
- Besser Zich vinshen, ader yenem shilten (Better to wish yourself good, than to curse someone)
- Es Felt em a Shrayfel in kop (He has a screw loose/Not a full box of chocolates)
Yiddish expressions typically convey a conventional thought but usually have a deeper meaning:
- A patch fargeyt, a vort bahteyt (A slap is forgotten, but an insult [word] is remembered)
- Vainik kloggen fun Saichel, ober mer kloggen fun Zair oiskook (Many complain about their looks, but few question their intelligence)
- Tsu Hayeren is vi a fidel. Ven die musik shtait, die fidel kleit (Marriage is like a violin. When the music stops, there are strings attached)
- Amol fleggen di elteren lernen di kinder reidden; heint lernen di kinder di eltern shveigen (Some time ago, parents taught their children to talk; now children instruct their parents to be silent)
- Aintz is a ligen, tsvai zain ligens, drei mol is politik! (Once is a lie, twice are lies too; but thrice is political)
- Vos ba a nichteren iz oifen loong, is ba a shikkeren oifen tzung (What a sober man thinks is expressed by a drunkard)
This brings us to Meises/Vitzen, Jewish jokes or humorous stories. There are numerous categories of these, as the following (by no means exhaustive) list shows: Jewish American Princesses/kugels, acting, Old Yiddelech, waiters and restaurants, Israel, antisemitism and oppression, money, poverty, small children, shnorrer meises, education, shlemiels, shlemazels, cultural types, atheists and agnostics, quick responses, ganovim, judges, lawyers and defendants, liars and exaggerators, Chelmer jokes, gambling, food, eating, barmizvahs, brisses, army and navy, Jewish holidays, Gentile holidays, smoking and drinking.1
An Oppression Meise
Three Jews are caught attempting to cross the Russian border, during the oppressive reign of the Tsars. Brought before a magistrate, the weary and homeless Jews were each asked just where they thought they were going. “I was hoping to go to Palestine” said the first “My destination is Rome” said number two
“I planned go to Australia”, said number three “Why so far?” asked the magistrate
“Far?” said the Jew “Far from where?”
Poverty
A poor woodcutter was walking in the forest with a heavy bundle of timber on his back, when he had a dizzy spell. He let the bundle down crying, “Oh Death, release me from this terrible burden!”
No sooner spoken, when the Malechemovis (Angel of Death) appeared saying, “you called for me?” Astonished, the woodcutter stammered, “Yes, your Excellency…would you kindly…ah, help me to get this bundle back on my shoulders?”
In the eternal battle of the sexes, anti-wife, as well as anti-women maises abound in Yiddish popular culture:
“I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are!” the yiddisher wife yelled at her husband “You should have known how stupid I was, the minute I asked you!” he replied.
Rabbi Bernstein is giving his Friday night, Shabbos drosho, when there is a sudden flash of lightning, and a clap of thunder. The smoke clears next to the pulpit, to reveal the Devil standing there complete with tail and trident fork! The Rabbi gets a terrible fright and runs out of the shul, followed by the congregation except Shmulik. He remains calmly seated right in front of Satan.
Satan: “Do you know who I am?”
Shmulik: “Sure I know who you are” Satan: “Aren’t you afraid of me?”
Shmulik: “Sure I am afraid of you!”
Satan: “So why did you not run out too?”
Shmulik: “Because I bin merrid to your sister far 40 years!”
There is a strong wind blowing outside this delicatessen, it is freezing, and raining as well. The door of the shop opens-closes, and a guy walks up to the counter and says: “Give me two Bagels please, one wit’ seeds and one plain” Storekeeper: Bernstein, are you telling me you walked t’ree blocks in such a terrible vedder [weather], to buy two Bagels-one wit’ seeds and one mit’out seeds” “Who sent you?” Bernstein: “Who d’you t’ink vud send me, my Mudder?”
Talmid [Student]: “Rabbi, why did G-d make man before woman?”
Rabbi: “Because, He did not want any advice on how to make man”
Wives get their own back, though. For example, why are there so many unhappy Jewish marriages? Because Jewish women get all excited about nothing – then they marry him!
Chava is standing at the open grave of her husband Berel after the Levaia [funeral]. Her friend of many years, Sonia, walks up and says: “Condolences Chava; but I heard that you spent R50 000 on the Levaia. Why so much?”
Chava: Well the Levaia cost R8000, I gave the Rabbi R1000, I donated another R1000 to the Chevra Kadisha”.
Sonia: “So that’s only R10000, what about the other R40 000?”
Chava: “Mit dat I bought a stone”
Sonia: “A stone for R40 000! It must be very big.
How big!?”
Chava: “Five Carats!”
There is a vein of gentle irreverence in Jewish humor, in which the rabbi is often the butt.
The Rabbi and the Shammes [beadle] were always at loggerheads. However, they usually made a show of cooperating for the good of the shul. One Sabbath evening, however, the rabbi was delivering one of his extended sermons when he noticed old man Levine snoring away loudly. It was very disturbing! He summoned the Shammes and said: “Wake up Levine promptly, he is disturbing me!” The Shammes retorted: “Rabbi, you put him to sleep, you wake him up!”
A carpenter had wry sense of humor, and did not believe in imposing on Hashem:
“Dear Abershte [One above]”, he prayed, “I ask you for sustenance and clothes to wear. Nothing more….The lechayims [drinks] I’ll buy myself!” And finally…
A Yiddel is standing on a street corner in Manhattan one day when a Japanese tourist comes up to him and says: “Mithta, excuse, can you please dilect me to the 5th avenue in Manhattan?”
The yiddel looks him up and down and says: “Huh! Pearl Harbor you found!”
There are these three couples on the beach, all trying to outdo one another.
The first woman, very wealthy, says to her husband: “Sam I t’ink ve can go for the drive dis hafternoon.” He responds: “Wuch car ve’ll take, de Cadillac or de Chrysler?” – “De Chrysler!” “De cabriolet or de Sedan?” – “De Cabriolet” “De pink or de gold?” – “Nu, de gold!” The second wife says to her husband: “Its getting a leetl vindy, Jack pleez fetch mine Fer coat”. Jack: “Mink or de Ermine?” – “Ermine” – “De treekwoder or de full vun?” – “de full”. So off Jack goes to fetch de coat.
Now the third couple are not so rich. The wife says to de huzbend: “Herry, hask me de time.” Harry: “Vhy?” – “Hask de time!!” – “Nu, vots de time?” – “Six diamonds past four rubies!”
Maurice Skikne is a Biologist who worked in the field of Human Pathology, publishing a number of scientific papers on various aspects of lung pathology and molecular biology. He is a regular contributor to Jewish Affairs and is currently chairperson of the SA Jewish Genealogical Society.
NOTES
- If readers wish to contribute to the list, feel free to contact the writer through the editor.
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